Sour graping or Sweet lemonizing?

I was tired of my long journey to Boston. I slept for a while and then went back to my laptop. I read an email from Susie, which I am planning to reply as soon as I am in the mood to write. All of a sudden a name flickered into my thought, Van. She was my closest friend when I was in Ateneo Law School. I do not exactly remember the circumstances why her name stumbled in my mind. I just suddenly remembered her, sort of a spur of the moment mental thing.

For no particular reason I googled Van's complete name and I found a link in the search engine, which I double clicked. I was led into a document from the Supreme Court release of the 2007 BAR results. I saw her name there. My old giddy friend is now a full-pledged lawyer.

Scanning the article I noticed some familiar names and started to google those names as well, and as if a sort of "eureka" moment I saw familiar sounding names that led me to more familiar names and suddenly I remembered their faces, and their names. They were my old classmates. I was like a comatose patient that suddenly woke up. I was happy to be reminded of my old friends in Ateneo. I realized they all fulfilled our shared dreams of becoming a lawyer.

Typical of me, I was in deep solitude asking myself some hypothetical scenario. Like, what would have been if I stayed in the Philippines and continued with my law education there? I probably might have been in the BAR-OPS celebration. Drowning myself with booze celebrating my BAR success or probably trying to forget the BAR altogether if I did not pass it.

What if the personal crisis that happened to me before never occurred? What if the hand of destiny was changed? So many questions, but I guess it was all worthless thoughts.
But then I came to a realization on the how if's scenario. How if things did not happened the way it happened. What if?

I might have become a lawyer by now, probably working in a law firm or working with the NBI as medico-legal, or probably as an NGO forensic expert. There are loads of probabilities.
But then if things did not happen the way that it happened. I am certain that I might have missed out on a lot of things life has to offer.

I probably would have missed a lot of life defining experiences.Things that is better left unsaid and left unblogged and forever buried and never to be uncovered. One sure though I would not be the person that I am now if I did not taste what destiny gave me. It is not that I am denying the materialist concept that we make our own destiny but there are things that happened that is somehow beyond our control. Insanity is a good example.

Hypothetically if I passed the 2007 BAR it could have been a defining moment for me, but I wasn't there.

I am away defining myself.